Enterprise computing for non-geeks

Hello, and welcome to your new laptop from your employer, Enterprise X. We know that you're old laptop didn't need replacing, but this way we'll be able to ensure that you're up to date with all of our corporate policies and the applications that support them.

Firstly, you'll notice that although you have a 'mobile' computer, if you do take it out of the office you'll have to use your secure token to VPN (or dial-in) to use the internet. It's a big bad world out there, and we like to look after you.

You'll also notice that we've kindly given you 'admin' access, although you have to request this through our control panel and explain why you need it. Although your new laptop is capable of using the latest 'mainstream' applications, we've decided to give you the old versions, after all, that's what you're familiar with.

We've also done some great work to enable automated syncronisation of your 'My Documents' folder to the tune of two whole gigabytes, how you'll use that, we'll never know! We also have this great way of saving email space, instead of giving you standardised email access through POP or IMAP, we've used a series of vendor products to safeguard your email by only showing you the subject and the sentence or two until you really need it. Neat huh? We've recently increased the email storage size to 40MB to take advantage of this space saving. Who really needs 6GB indexed and search-able web mail anyway?

Finally, we've added the ultra secure 802.1X network authentication to your offices, but don't worry, as you're using approved hardware this will all be taken care of...

*stops*

*installs ubuntu*